Of Paper cuts and Cinnamon Rolls.

Why writing a post can be hard.

We moved. In June. Right after my last post. We moved to an adorable and super tiny town in Southern Utah. I had built a comfortable life up in Idaho. I had lovely friends that knew me and my situation and were always willing to help and allow me to try to return favors when I could. We had a Wal-Mart where I took the fresh produce for granted. We were within an hour of a big city (really I should say we were within an hour of Costco) and we were having some moments of peace. Heck, I was even feeling a lot better! I was eating perfectly and had shaved down my external stresses quite a bit.

When life gets quiet, I get really nervous.

On that fateful day in June, we packed up our lives as our time with the USAF was complete and headed to France’s hometown to settle down and get some roots. We had a great house waiting for us (First time homeowners! Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch, we bought a home in Spokane anticipating a move there, but fervent pray and direction from above can alter plans, and it did. We now had to sell a home that I had spent less than two hours in altogether and we didn’t even live in that state, good times).

Let me list something that we have all read before.

Top 5 Life Stressors:

1. Death of a loved one (Check, check, check etc)
2. Divorce (thankfully no check here)
3. Moving (Check)
4. Major Illness (partial check, Hashimotos is not terminal, but it’s life altering)
5. Job Loss (partial check, while he didn’t lose his job, his job ended and we would start a new one)

Boo hoo right? Wrong. I had a roof over my head, my husband, my children, my faith and food on my table. Anything else is just bonus right? And somehow even though I could count my blessings left and right- I was not immune to the stresses of those aforementioned items. Not even a little.

Anxiety attacks crept in. We couldn’t get into our home yet and a family member graciously let us destroy her house for almost a month. The closest Walmart was just under two hours away and then the fridge I was using broke. I had food poisoning the second night there that lasted forever. This same angelic family member helped with my children. France’s new job requires quite a commute. We didn’t (and still don’t) see him much during the week. I couldn’t handle anything again. I was paralyzed by my inability to control my situation. I was so stressed out and not eating much and dealing with my trying to deal that I couldn’t write---let alone be a wife/mother properly (whatever properly means) and the list goes on, I will spare you the details.

So why am I writing now? Because I have yet again climbed out of that hole. I am doing better. I have a routine and for goodness sakes I have eaten dessert and it did not destroy me! Someone once asked me why I am so strict about not eating sugar or other crap foods and my reply was this, if I tell you that dessert once in awhile is okay you will justify eating it every time it’s available to you. If I tell you don’t eat it because it truly is bad for you, then maybe you will only justify it every once in awhile. Food is delicious and I am hoping there is food in Heaven, because, Mmmmmm. So on our sixth anniversary I had two bites of an extraordinary cinnamon roll and it made me absolutley ill. Sure it tasted incredible, but immediately my pulse started racing and I broke out into a weird sugar overload sweat.

I said to him, ‘Honey, that is delicious and has made me so ill that I never want to feel this way again!’ 

So here’s the interesting part.

To my horror, a mere twenty minutes later my taste buds and body said, 'Hey Lindsay, that was good, eat some more, NOW’! 

WHAT?!?!?! SCARY!!!!!!!!! I worked so hard to be un-addicted to sugar that all it took was two bites of a cinnamon roll to eradicate over six months of hard work. TWENTY MINUTES later and I wanted more, more of something that made me sick!! I looked at France and told him to get the rest of them out of our house. He promptly complied, what a dear.

That shocked me. I brushed my teeth and chewed some gum and ate a reallllly filling dinner that night to get away from it. I used to eat sugar till I didn’t want it anymore, looking back I realized that I always wanted to be DONE eating that crap so I would eat a good amount just to get to that point where I could pat my tummy and say, oh yeah, I’ve had enough. That’s mental! I ate my way right to illness I did. Not cool. Anybody ever eat a dessert and swallow the bite so fast just to get another mouthful in? Why do we do that to ourselves?

I have since had desserts at birthday parties, family gatherings, other random events and even ate chips and cookies the other day. Everyone was impressed. But here’s the thing, what are they impressed with? That I am eating ‘normal food’? Why should that be the norm? "She eats toxic, sugar laden food that’s awful for all humans to eat, clap clap clap, hooray!!!"

 (Okay, I got dramatic there, but you get the picture).

I feel like healthy eating is like trying to maintain a budget, the more you cut back and make better choices, the more people around you will wonder what the big deal is. It’s a HUGE deal! We should all help each other make better choices and not judge others for trying to maintain healthier lifestyles. Healthier lifestyles benefit every single aspect of your life and those around you. (That’s really sounding Dave Ramseyish-which is cool with me).

Indulgences here and there are human and I get that. I make a conscience choice every time I eat something I know isn’t good for me. I eat enough to really taste it, then I walk away. I don’t have to justify that anymore, because I am not perfect and nor will I ever be in this earth life. I still try to eat as strictly as I have---and most days I do, because it’s makes a difference! I FEEL BETTER! I am about what people call 80/20. Eighty percent of the time being perfect, twenty not so much. I feel like I try to be more 95/5, because yes, I still have a lifelong autoimmune disease. Life is so stressful all the time that the elements that I can control, I do. That is my power. My power to choose.

Life is about to get crazy again. We are moving. We will be a lot closer to a Walmart and food prepping will get a lot easier. Also, there’s a Whole Foods and a Costco, so I can relax about that. I like those places. :)

As my mom used to tell me, you may not have a big gaping wound right now, but the paper cuts hurt too. My body was covered in them this summer with nary a chance to heal before others came along and it’s hard to type with so many dang paper cuts. You may have a gaping wound and tons of paper cuts too, in fact I know you do. You live on earth. Just know, you for real, are never alone. Thank you for your support and hopefully I can return the favors. Service to others is the best way to heal wounds faster. :)

Trying my best,

xLindsay

Summer. Peaches. Happy/messy moment. I live for these.

Here's An Idea!

Don't laugh at my graphic. Okay, you can laugh, but whatevs. :)

Questions I get the most include, what DO you eat and aren't you starving?

Both of those take some time to answer. Today I will share with you my lame plate composition graphic. It may seem rudimentary and simple, it is. When I go to eat, this is how I really try to do it.

I eat protein---some kind of animal protein. About the size of a fist. This includes poultry, fish, red meat and eggs. The rotation of those is constant and I eat more turkey than any of them.

The rest of your plate is vegetables. I include two at everymeal. A lot is prepped before hand or it's frozen and already has a variety in the bag (frozen---meaning just the veggies, no sauces or extra ingredients) and I throw it in a pan on the stove or in the microwavable bag it gloriously came packaged in. (Against microwaves? I'm not. Your choice!).

You must add fat. You need the calories and the flavor. I hit about two tbs per meal...or more...never less, including nuts/paleo mayo/coconut oil/olive oil/avocado/avocado oil/a mixture of a few etc. YOU need the fat to feel FULL too! FAT is your friend. If something is 'low fat' it usually means 'way more sugar added to make up for the flavor'. It's true. Bah.

Fruit is awesome and is Heaven's way of giving us some SWEETness! Yes! Eat some. It's full of carbs and vitamins and minerals that are bio-available for your body to digest and USE---bonus! Just don't only eat fruit. Sooo many consequences, like, well, low blood sugar from crashing and diarrhea to name a few. For reals. Fruit is muy rico. Don't ever eat it by itself though if you can help it! Eat protein/fat with it. SUGAR CRASH AVOIDED! Whew!

I do this for breakfast/lunch/dinner. If you can take a sec and forget about those meals, breakfast/lunch/dinner and the stigmas that come with them you now have three meals a day that are composed the same, but can greatly vary in taste using all the stuff that mother earth has provided us with-which is a TON. It's no longer waffle/lame salad/spaghetti/crap---aka---(sugar/sugar/sugar/sugarysnacks), it's just healthydelish/healthydelish/healthydelish/healthydelishsnacks. Yah? Cool.

Lame graphic. Awesome info. 

*Also, not to scale, that would be crazy hard to do and worry about.

I CHALLENGE YOU TO.....

......go to your pantry right now and pour dish soap allover something terrible that you plan on eating today when your sugar craving kicks in and then THROW it away. Eat something else and then brush your teeth, it helps curb the desire for sugar, for realsy.

Anyone do it? What'd you chuck?

PS WAY TO GO! 

PS If you are starving, you are not eating enough. Increase your portions of all the good food you just spent time making. Add more fat. Don't starve. It shuts your life down.

That's a splat egg (slightly runny) over butter lettuce and cauliflower rice with toasted pecans and 1/2 avocado. Coconut aminos for flavor! Mmmm. This was a breakfast. Just an idea. This has become easy to throw together, it wasn't easy the first few weeks, but as I practiced---it got easier. Thank goodness! 

I just overused the word easy, it's easy to do.

My Moderation?

You probably don’t think about food the way I do. I think about eating the way I do because I have a disease and someone told me this was the first place I needed to start to get well. I eat better so I can live my life. You should have seen me, especially last fall--- that wasn’t living. In my effort to wipe my plate clean and start over- I have read and asked and consulted with so many health care professionals and those that are simply choosing to eat more ‘whole’ that I am literally bursting with information. Yes, that is what I spend some of my time on, reading about food. :) Why do you care? Maybe you do maybe you don’t.

Keep reading if you want.

You feel how you feel. Maybe you have diabetes, or are obese, have migraines, or experience little things everyday that you think you have to deal with because you are aging. There are over a gazillion ways to not feel good. Do I always feel good? Never. Will you age and will your body slow down and hurt? Yup. (Please don’t think I don’t know about cancer or terminal illnesses. I am well acquainted.)

Maybe you are a healthy individual. Maybe you think that where you are at is just fine. That’s awesome, I hope so.

I’ll just say this, wherever you are in your level of health, you can feel even better. You don’t need to believe me, as I have said before, I have *science to back me up. If you are a member of my faith and think that the Word of Wisdom is all about moderation, it is. I have read it front and back and up and down and read just about all the information the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has available. I follow it.

Do I push Whole30? Maybe a little bit, wannna know why? Because it’s simply an education of what happens when you put food in your mouth. When you are armed with that kind of information, it’s just easier to eat better. You know how when you see cigarettes and think ug!?? Remember how revolutionary that was for the world? Does Whole30 tell you to ‘abstain’ from things? Yes, and only so you can knowledgeably eat them as you work them back in. Maybe you are lactose intolerant and have no idea, maybe that drippy nose or throat cough you ‘always have’ can be eliminated. Maybe you don’t care! That’s okay! I just appreciate knowing there is a better way and I can strive to do it.

Whole30 so closely resembles my autoimmune protocol that it’s the info source I can share with you that generalizes eating better and why.

Isn’t this just a fad diet? Nope, it’s the oldest one in the book. It’s just flashier and says ‘do this for 30 days’. It’s this: replace the packaged foods with actual food....and this is why. That’s it.

Will I eat a cupcake again? Yes, but honestly, I care a lot less about cupcakes these days. Does that sound crazy? I actually think its empowering to move from what can’t I eat to what can I eat.

Are you eating healthy? I was, all my life, until someone (professional) told me I wasn’t. It hurt. Then I grew outta that grief and realized I was simply getting the help I needed. Now I eat healthier and I am a lot more capable of dealing with life than I was. I don’t want to spend my time on earth sick, if it’s something that I can help.

Elder Richard G Scott of the Twelve Apostles said:

“We will live for our appointed life span. However, we can improve both the quality of our service and our well-being by making careful, appropriate choices.”

I love that, we can improve the quality of our service and our well-being. 

It’s so dang true.

Am I moderate? Yes, I sure strive to be.

FOOD AND EMOTIONS are intrinsically connected. Family traditions and social connections are a lot of times centered on/around food.  Cakes on birthdays, ice-creams pints for break-ups, lemonade on a hot day, everything over the holidays and then starving in January. When you feel like your daily food-doings are being challenged, it hurts. I LOVE making my mom's chocolate chip cookies for my husband and kids, in fact, yesterday for my toddlers birthday I gave him a cookie with candles on it. I brought bananas too, but those I had to give away, the cookies were gone. :)

Sometimes just showing up makes all the difference. Changing the way you eat is intense and crazy, but even one thing better today is one step closer. I am serious about this, anything is awesome and if you falter-then so what!? You are getting somewhere! :)

I know I created some buzz about green smoothies. My point was that smoothies have a lot of sugar and--in context--a lot of sugar, even surrounded by vegetables is still a lot of sugar. That was it. :) I bet your green smoothies are way healthier than most.

Okay, the four of you that read this, I’m done. :) 

Kinda...PS Change is hard and scary for most of us, me included. Like for real. 

PPS I love giving food to people...sweet yummy psychologically pleasing food. So yeah, it's hard. My neighbors asked where all the cookies went. 

He turns three this week and loves cookies. I wasn't gonna give him squash.

 I didn't eat one though.

*Science and I mean qualitative and quantitative, true-blue information.

How I Did the Travel Thing Better

Car-Trip Edition:

I have claustrophobia and car-sickness realllllly bad. I get panic attacks in tight spaces and spending my time in a mess of metal hurtling down the road with no immediate bathroom access is not my favorite thing to do, especially without handy/healthy food. Can you even imagine. This is a lose-lose for me. I can’t even handle tight hugs or stuck zippers. Ack. Anyhoo, it was easier this time and I reallllllly love my husband and we got some great talks in without me closing my eyes and wishing the trip was over. TMI? Okay moving on...

We finally, successfully road-tripped, food-wise, thank the goodness.

In my trusty cooler I had:

Protein

Precooked and cubed chicken

Breakfast sausage

Frozen ground turkey to cook when we arrived

Vegetables

4 summer squash that had been ‘noodled’

Spinach

Tomatoes

1 Whole chopped cabbage

Fruit

Washed Strawberries

Apples

Bananas

Sides

Homemade Paleo Mayo

Toasted Pecans

Sea Salt

Coconut Aminos

Avocado

Olives

I drank more water this time, grabbed a burger patty on the road and added veggies if I needed too and went shopping while there. It’s not a perfect system, but I got to think about a lot more than what I was gonna eat. Thankfully. You may be surprised, but food is not all I think about. :) Okay, it’s a lot, but not all.

Thanks for sticking around and asking questions. 

Link to Coconut Aminos, aka, the best thing you will ever buy HERE.

Link to my trusty 'noodler' aka, you should have this already HERE.

Food Textbook HERE. Just get it. Read it. Learn. Stuff like that. :)

Before the trip.

 Packing the cooler.

Pulled together for breakfast one morning. Sweet potatoes, cabbage, 'zoodles' and roasted red peppers with a luscious splat-egg and coconut aminos on top. Mmm.

 PS As I learn, I get better at this. I've been going since January, if I knew then what I know now, dang this could have been easier. :) But we step-by-step huh?

Eating Better is Better with People Who are Eating Better.

Eating Better is Better Easier with People Who are Eating Better. :)

That’s a long way to say that having support eases the process of changing your plate. If you are still with me on this, you have hopefully made some better choices lately and/or tried to understand food a little better. YAY! Hopefully your water consumption is at an all-time high too!

So, yah, I could not do this without my support system. 

My husband and children eat the way I do----when I feed it to them. France usually eats Subway at work. He eats out with his co-workers once in awhile at a Chinese restaurant down the road. My husband and children are eating healthier without the restrictions I have, it's totally doable. I make the kids try my breakfast/lunch/dinner and then break out something if they are not feeling it (it's some work, but worth it, we are making progress). Samboy always surprises me. Today he told me I forgot his carrots and he couldn’t eat his applesauce ‘cuz I didn’t eat my carrots yet!’. For real kid? You mean this is working!? Yay! Haha. Ok, it’s taken months, but this is becoming my kid's 'new normal' too and I couldn’t be more stoked! 

Your support system is not only comprised of the people you share a roof with but with people that will hold you accountable no matter where they live! Read on:

On our road trip to see family this last week (hence no posts) I was excited that they were eating healthier as a family. They have their own system going on and are holding each other to it. The best part was the availability of healthy food in their home and the stories of success and more energy they were experiencing! 

We talked a lot about a lot, and some about food. I don’t want everything coming out of my mouth to be about what people are eating. So if you’ve felt that way---whoops! Sorry! I must have gotten on a roll and didn’t catch the social cues to cool it off. I really can get going.

I thank my husband and docs for support and my extended family and friends for the support and kind words too. YOU need a support system to do this. Ask nicely, but ask! Be accountable to someone. Remember, it could/will change their life too. Change your plate! Change your life.

So the point of today!

Just like a team, you have to have supportive teammates. On the same page. Understanding each other. Otherwise, you will stop and no one will notice and you'll be back at square one. Which if you're cool with it--your choice right?

SiDE StORY: The last thing anyone ever wants to hear at a group gathering is the food-obsessed-person saying things like ‘I can’t eat that’ and ‘I can’t eat this’ and ‘you shouldn’t eat that because it’s the devil’ (ok, a bit of an exaggeration on the last one). Etc. You get the picture. If people ask me questions, I answer. If not, I try not to draw attention to it. "Hey family! You’re eating pizza at the party tonight!? HOW COULD YOU, DO YOU EVEN CARE!? WAAAAA blah blah blah.” 

Yep, that’ll make friends.

So I try to eat beforehand and snack on everything I can when I get there, fruit and salads etc. It’s not a big deal unless you make it one. There is enough drama in the world 'ammi right? :)

LINDSAY!!!!!! I am HAPPY with MYSELF and WHO I AM. Lay off!

Um that's amazing!!!!!  That's seriously wonderful and I believe you. Guess what's even more amazing!? How you will feel when you eat even BETTER! But for real. You don't even know how good you can feel. You don't have to settle ever. You just don't.

Choices & Consequences. Even with food.

The water beast that was introduced to me. Not cheap. 64 OZ and COLD WATER ALL DAY. When it's empty at the end of the day, oh yeah, you've done it. Yesss.

Link for water bottle here.

Once Upon a Time: Part TWO...Real Life.

Let me tell you how I’ve failed.

Once upon a time, last weekend, I did food prep for a road trip to Utah. We packed the car, said our prayers and were off. Oh and guess what, I left almost ALL of my food at home.

I was now in no-autoimmunedisorderfriendly-man's land. The thought of hunger made me panic. Also, I wasn’t drinking enough water because who wants to pull over every hour when it’s already late at night and there’s a 1 and 2 year old on board. Not this girl.

We made it. I ate very little that night; nothing I shouldn’t eat, but not enough of what I should. I don’t think a fast-food burger patty, mustard, and iceberg lettuce did me any favors. Same thing the next day. We were on the run from one place to the next and I had to make it up as I went. Still not enough water. Headaches, check. We danced the night away at a wedding reception and I ate a bunch of fruit. I put my food needs on the back-burner. Hellooooo mistake! Here I am just trying to get by again, I'd been doing so well and feeling soooo GOOD! 

Sunday comes.  A BEAUTIFUL baby miracle of a boy was blessed. We joined our extended family for quality time together and I pretty much just ate a bunch of fruit and pecans.

We drive home. I’m starving and getting rather testy. I’m pretty mad at myself at this point. By Monday morning I am so wasted and dehydrated and migrainey that Atila the Hun would have run for cover and he would have been successful, I wouldn’t have had the energy to go after him. I flatlined. There I was, on my couch at 10 AM, done for the day. I couldn’t even make it to the grocery store. Feelings of failure creeped in. How could I let this happen?!

I had an ‘aha!’ moment, and what an educational moment it was. 

I felt exactly like the girl who needed an intervention these last few years. I felt HORRIBLE and I don’t miss that girl at all. The girl who justified feeling crappy because 'I’m just hormonal' or ‘tired' or nursing or not sleeping or whatever. The one who thought, it can’t be what I am eating! Eating can’t really affect my mood or attitude or confidence! PS It does. I. Don’t. Miss. Her. I am thankful that someone told me to take myself seriously. To put more effort into how I feel! That I have the power to change HER!

Mind you, this last weekend, I didn't eaten anything I shouldn't have, but let me stress this: I didn't eat ENOUGH of what I SHOULD. It goes both ways. Not just NOT eating crap, but eating WELL.  

France is the one who told me to go for it, to call the clinic, to change my life. He gave me permission to get better. I didn’t ‘NEED' his permission of course, but I NEEDED it. I needed someone to tell me to take ME seriously. I needed someone to tell me it’s okay to write about it and take selfies and be vocal and wage a war on sugar. DO I REALLY ‘NEED' SOMEONE’S PERMISSION!? NO! But oh-my-goodness sometimes it’s the push I need and I'm thankful for it!

If you need someone to tell you to change (it WILL improve your quality life) then find someone or ask me to. Give yourself permission to do this. 

But LINDSAY!? We have different bodies and challenges and etc! And it won’t work for me the way it works for you! And I don’t have an autoimmune disease and what you do is not realistic!

Sure it is. :) You will feel better, FEEL BETTER. COOL RIGHT!?

BUT LINDSAY THE WAY YOU EAT IS CRAZYSAUCE! 

Is it?

Good luck. I hope you gave yourself a pat on the back for making a small change today in the way you eat. Or a big one. Or whatever size one. Good job. Go you.

If you just ate a pan of brownies cause I wrote about how you shouldn’t (well, not directly, obvs) then oh well. Tomorrow's a new day. :) RA RA RA Gooooooooo You!

Soo I AM LOVING THE Pictures of Food YOU are sending me. And the nice notes I am getting and the success stories already. Peeps, it’s been not even been a month since I started writing and hello, you’re noticing changes! 

So once upon a time, in REAL life, this was doable. Still is. I’m not going back.

So yes, I have failed. And it stunk. Chalk it up to another learning experience. Life, *sigh*.

Yeah, I don't miss this chick. 

But look at my chubby cuddly boys! OOOOOh!! I will never NOT miss that! Mmmm

OH PS! You and me, our challenges, strengths, and weaknesses are different, but if the whole world was full of me's, eeek we'd be in a heap of trouble... and pink.

PPS It staaaaaarts with foooooood. :)

Once Upon a Time: Part One

I had a friend tell me my blog posts were funny, but she hadn’t learned anything from them. So, I asked, do you think even a teeny-tiny-bit differently about what you are eating than you did before? :)

Oh, well in that case, yes! She replied.

YESSSS! That’s the point! Wahoo! I hope YOU think differently about the food you eat too! Know that food can be a first defense. It is something you can control. Amidst all the many things you CAN’T control, this is one thing you can. 

Let’s talk about my protocol. 

Buckle-up, it's gonna get ugly. 

Ok, not really, I think I just wanted to type that.

So, once upon a time, I was put on an anti-inflammatory diet (January 20th, 2014) specific to me. Blood, stool (I can’t believe I am admitting that, when I swore I would never tell a soul) and spit. A lot of each. I was tested top to bottom (littttterally). Many insurance companies won’t let tests like that be taken unless you're showing that you absolutely need it. But, by the time you need it....you get the picture.

Anyhoo. I needed help---adrenal gland-wise, hormonally, immune system etc. I asked my doc if that was normal---he said it didn’t really matter, it’s my current normal and they were gonna change it. They were going to change it so I could get better. I was going to learn how to manage my disease. Take that HASHIMOTOS!

I knew, for close to one month beforehand, what was going to happen. I had one month to mentally prepare my foodie mind (I mean FOODIE, like LOVE food, like-I think I am an expert on food because of the Food Network Foodie, like I yell at people when they do dumb things with their Chopped 'baskets' foodie) to forgetting my current food know-how. I started grocery shopping to get into the habit and began trying-out recipes. I wanted to be ready.

When January 20th came, I had an okay knowledge base about how to eat, a stocked fridge and a cemented determination that it was now DAY ONE and I would see it through---come heck or high water. I was sick and soooo over it.

(A few of you are easing yourselves into your new 'food life' and I applaud that. When you have your DAY ONE---the one where you don’t look back---you’ll be ready.)

Day two. I wanted to quit. I woke up raging. I was starving. No amount of prep could get me through it. I cried. I was exhausted. I felt terrible. SEE, healthy food makes me feel like crap! Sheesh! Breakfast, lunch and dinner that day were the worst tasting meals of my life. Nothing got done in my household. I actually got rather angry. The ‘why me?’ moment may have happened (I will never confirm or deny that).

Day three. Worse. Worse. Worse. Who wants broccoli for breakfast? CRAZY PEOPLE THAT’S WHO! Oh and then let’s add in some headaches— super bad ones and yep, the flu. Or flu-like symptoms I later realized. I was a sugar addict going through withdrawals. I was eating grapes as if it were the apocalypse. You know why, right? Because they are one of the most densely sugared fruits out there and my brain knew it. Get this, I don’t even like grapes. For all the fruit I was consuming I had to eat tons of protein to balance it out. It was a horrendous display of nutso. (Don’t worry, we had a ton of family crises going on at the same time, just for added effect).

France was so nice to me and I was beastly. He’s my favorite.

Day 4-7. Withdrawals. Every heartbeat. 

Day 8- Now.  You guys. I learned. I learned about my own willpower. I learned about food outside of packaging. I learned what I love to eat and what I still can’t stomach (Dear eggplant, who invented YOU? I mean really). I learned what it’s like to feel good, feel clean in ma'tummy. I was liberated from that nasty feeling you get when you eat crappy and know you’ll just sleep it off and do it again tomorrow. I had so many ups and downs. The want of sugar was constant, for a long time. 

POINT OF TODAY:

You may not have an autoimmune disease, but you might be heading that direction faster than you want to realize. Diabetes, heart-disease, joint pain everything etc can be fought-by you, and you are worth it. I am not saying this will cure anything (it could!!! depending on what you've got going on!!), goodness knows I will fight for the rest of my life. I am doing this for me, I am worth it. But it will change you, you will feel different, you will be shocked. Do you need to work with a clinic to help you? If so, ask me. If you simply need to overhaul your relationship with food, stop putting it off. Get educated about why food can be your first defense. The coolest thing to me in the world is the science behind all of this. I literally received a map of my insides and how they were, or were not, functioning. How calming down the inflammation in my body would change me. I am talking at the cellular level here. Get educated so you are armed with the information you need to help yourself, your spouse, your kids, anyone really. 

To be continued....

Part Two by Friday (I can’t make any promises here, but I will strive to get it done!).

PS I know a few of you have already started changing your 'food life' and have experienced change already. Someone in particular has stopped napping in the afternoons and has more energy than before. If you are who I am talking about, please write it down and send it to me. We all wanna know. 

PPS If you need info, read It Starts with Food. It's like a food textbook, but more fun to read than it sounds. Just read it. Take some time and get educated. Okay. There ya go.

***If you know someone with an autoimmune disease or someone looking for a change, send 'em this way. Spread the word-it's a happy word. Share!****

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@lindsayniehashi

tag your recipes #lindsayniehashi

Small Print: I am not following Whole30, but had I not found my clinic, I would be. I use all the Whole30 information and it's fabulous. Start there. For realz.

This guy wanted in on my typing after his nap, I love 'post-nap' face.

We went and picked lilacs for our living room, they died like an hour later. Oops.

I've created the PERFECT CARDBOARD PANCAKE!

JK!

Let me share something with you that may just blow your mind. Unless you don’t think about food like I do. Wait, nope, it’ll still blow your mind.

Think of American cuisine. Let’s do this family feud style. Here are my top five answers:

Hamburgers

Hotdogs

Chips

Pancakes

Mac’N’Cheese

What did you come up with?

Wait for it………

Broccoli? No you didn’t :).

I feel like one of the most life-changing bits of info I have gleamed from this whole autoimmune/better life process is this:

FORGET THE DANG PANCAKE! 

Just because you have been taught it is part of your lifestyle does not mean you have to spend your life trying to re-create it into a grass-fed, gluten free cardboard piece of disgust---just to stand on some mountain somewhere and proclaim to the world: I DID IT! I created the Frankenpancake!

Dude, let it go. Eat a pancake or don't. :)

Rant Purpose: Break out of the food mold you have yourself in. Just because mom/parent/guardian made you cookies so you in turn make them for your kids to show love only makes sense, I understand. Your mom/parent/guardian read to you too, taught you right from wrong, braided your hair and kissed your boo-boos etc, that is love also, it doesn’t have to be food. *** 

Sidenote: Making your kids cookies because you love them is not wrong. My mom loved that we loved her for making us cookies and everything else. We are just pointing out the consequences of actions here. Tis all. :)

Now, I have either made you really upset or liberated you. Hopefully you feel liberated.

Just because cookies are you thing doesn’t mean they need to be.

Just cause your Diet Coke is your hallmark doesn’t mean that can’t change.

Just because ballpark food is what Americans think is food doesn’t mean you have too agree!

SO WHAT DO I EAT LINDSAY!?!? I’M NOT STRONG ENOUGH and I HATE HEALTHY FOOD. 

You’re not trying hard enough.

 Aaaaand guess what? You have it in you. You’ve made it this far in life and that took blood, sweat, and tears. So yes, YOU (point at yourself and look at me like, ‘me?, you talking to me?)! You are tough enough. Change it. FIND THE DELICIOUS SPICES OF THE EARTH AND CREATE YOUR FOOD LIFESTYLE!

:) Have a great weekend!

Did I just lose readers? Maybe? 

****I’m not saying I’ll never eat crap again, but not today, not in the next six months. Goodness knows that my mom did make a an amazing chocolate chip cookie. And guess what? I’m 103 days in and I don’t need it anymore. Boom. Took till 101 though for me to not crave sugar every heartbeat of the day, and it slowly got easier to always avoid- now it's just a part of me. Yessssss. Just saying’. I could add something here about how we only celebrate Christmas once a year and that keeps it special or something like that. :)

Start and don’t stop, for reals. Don’t give in. Once you give in, it makes it that much easier to fail. Sounds like an addiction yah? It is. There is a good/bad to everything on this earth, including food. So it’s your choice. When you wake up 50 years from now knowing you could have avoided some aches and pains when you were younger and didn’t, wouldn’t you wanna come back and kick yourself into gear? I would. And doesn’t that ring true for just about every decision in life? Yep. When you know better, truly know better, you should strive to act better. Strive. Not try. Try is a cop-out.

I have an attitude today and boy is it showing. 

OUT

I've found another use for my sugar jar. 

Oh I just keep going? It's like an Avengers movie and you have to sit through the credits to get to everything!

Sooo,

Above all else, don't feel called-out by this, don't feel like you are the worst foodperson ever or I am judging you. I am a former sugar addict myself, 103 days clean. 

Simply feel empowered. Beat your hands on your chest 

empowered. Now. Today. It's worth it and you know it. How cool are you.

Don't need a doctor, but just info? Whole30.com is a great place to start.

Missing This Face

Two years ago today, my mom woke up.

 Not here, but on the other side. I know that she stretched her arms, smiled, and reunited with my dad and became reacquainted with the eternities. You see, we know where we have been and know where we are going. When, we too, wake up on the other side, it will not be new to us, it will be a homecoming.

If you have lost someone--- they are more than ok, and they walk among you and are closer than you realize.

If you know someone battling cancer or any other form illness, terminal, mental, etc there is hope-always hope whether they stay here with us or move on to their next adventure.

If you are or know someone who is a caretaker, YOU are physically holding the hands of someone who is almost done here, someone who cannot do for themselves what you can for them and they do appreciate you. Take care of yourself too. It’s easy to get lost.

The grief never leaves. I never move on, but I move forward. I know what’s next and I want to be ready for it by making the good choices now, by choosing happiness now.

You don’t get to graduate from this life without learning anything, it only makes sense. So let’s keep going, keep learning and growing. Knowing joy and sorrow, appreciating the right and good and standing up against wrongs. You know right from wrong, it’s inherent to who you are, a child of a loving Heavenly Father. This world will tell you that right and wrong do not exist, that is, quite simply a lie. One of many. You are not of this world but are a divine heritage that will come as naturally to you as breathing when it is indeed your turn to wake up. 

My mom, with my dad, expects a lot from me, from us. I aim to not disappoint. 

I miss her advice, her singing and dancing, shopping, Costco trips, saying hi to everyone-even people she’s only just met as if they were all best friends. I miss her encouragement and validation, the kind you can only get from a mom. I miss everything.

Thanks for giving me the two things that mattered mi mon Shéri l'amour- love and knowledge.

Families can be together forever. Best news ever right?! :)

FOOD FEAR

We are organic, free range, grass-fed, non-gmo people.

Hehehehehe, okay, kinda funny right? Too soon? :)

Ok, let’s face the Food Fear!

You, as an informed human being know very well that our food industry has let the government regulate the heck out of it. Chemicals this, harvesting for better shipping that, nuclear apples big enough to feed a family of 7 etc. Do we have evidence that this is what is causing cancer, autoimmune diseases, food allergies/intolerances and/or webbed feet etc? 

Well, you can find the answers to that on Google---both sides of the debate. Actually the NSEW of the debate. Studies, misinterpreted studies, that ladies’ opinion from Some Town, USA, the nice dude at the health food store, your doctor, your nutritionist, your nature-path, WebMD, wikipedia and all sorts of correct, semi-correct and misapplied information including even more skewed/or not studies. 

You get the picture.You can find anything you want on the internet. You type in your query and someone, somewhere will back you up or vehemently disagree with you. 

So how do you wade through the Food Fear that starts to accompany your changing lifestyle? Step-by-step, in moderation and by keeping your priorities in line. What is more important to you? That the chicken your eating had a best friend, a regulated sleep schedule and only ate certain foods? Orrrrr that you get to work on time with a lunch and snacks packed, play with your kids and maybe get a load of laundry done and still be able to serve your fellowman? 

Priorities.

As you begin to gather information and books this recipe will happen to you:

1 lb of grass fed beef

2 tsp of organic pink himalayan sea salt

1 tsp of non-gmo something or other

4 heritage grown squash

6 cups of no other ingredients ever ever*

.5 tsp of overnight soaked nuts as a garnish

BURN ALL THE GRAIN IN YOUR HOUSE

Okay, I know you know what I’m getting at here. I also know that you know that I know that it is a WONDERFUL and incredible effort and I wish that ALL food could be perfect and not cost a mortgage payment every month, but it can’t. We can’t always or sometimes even ever do it like that. PS I eat brown rice and buckwheat. Grains have a place in our homes, just not quite what that pyramid thing says. GOOGLE IT. (PPS I am on a protocol as set by my docs, using my particular blood chemistry, which takes the guess work out of what I am doing. I will be on it for a certain period of time, nevermind, I will just write about my protocol soon. :)

Point of todays word barf:

Educate yourself on what you currently worry about most, from perceivably credible sources (wait! Lindsay! You just said that the internet is crazysauce! Yes, yes I did, good luck, you can do it!), and the other information will come right along with it. If you choose to eat one way or another—great, YOUR CHOICE! If you live in small town Idaho and can get up to Boise sometimes or maybe grab a Bountiful Basket other times, but still haven’t ordered from US Wellness Meats yet, I am right there with you and spend a lot of time and $$$ at Wal-Mart and Amazon.com and we happily make it work for us. We do what we can if we place importance on it. 

Don’t get the food fear and Do remember to make one better choice today than yesterday, food, or otherwise. Internal and external choices affect everything.

OUT

SIDE SToRY!

I have been avoiding dairy like the plague, something I may write about, something I may not. I haven’t decided. I have been lactose intolerant my entire life so it’s easy for me to avoid. But my kids? What do I do there? Well, after I put my family on a dairy-fast for a few weeks my husband said, Lindsay dear, it’s okay once in awhile. Remember, this is your protocol, not theirs. He’s right. My kids get a cheesestick now sometimes, some milk in their cereal for snacks or whatevs too. That’s how we do it in this family. Your’s is your choice. So, as you continue reading labels, and 'the google' :) you will gather some good info. You are currently reading this and I’m not an expert on anything right!? I’m a woman/wife/SAH mom fighting a disease and sharing some info.

Last side story. Sam happily ate his veggie-ridden dinner last night (after 93 days of doing this) and I may have cried, which hurt my still-smarting eyes from surgery. It was such a wonderful moment.

Pants-less and stoked about how strong his veggies make him.

I Don't WORK OUT

I don’t work out anymore.

Yet.

So last fall I tried to exercise. I’ve always been able to at least run(ish) a mile. But the last few years, not so much. When my OB gave me the go-ahead to work out at my six week after baby appt., I laughed, heartily. I rarely plucked my eyebrows or unloaded my dishwasher at this point, let alone worked out. So at the six MONTH mark, I grabbed T-25 and thought, I have no energy because I don’t work out! Duh!

If you can only imagine, three days into it, I was on the floor, wondering why I wasn’t getting any endorphins from this horrible daily awfulness I was putting myself through (I loved the workout format, but I’m no SeanT). So I thought, it’s not like people worked out for all of history, they picked up kids and toys all day and did daily and huge amounts of manual labor, but not T25. So, I’m good, I'm a mom, that's a workout enough.

POINT OF STORY

I was not healing while I slept. Hashimotos means that my body is constantly attacking my thyroid and then spending it’s time trying to fix what it's breaking, leaving no energy to expend on exercise and recovery. What!! Yep. SO DON'T feel bad if you are not signing up for iron-mans!!!!!! It might be all you can do to put on jeans in the morning, I get it! Promise!

So I was just adding to my own fatigue, not helping it. EXHAUSTED. Exercise was one of the FIRST things we cut out of my protocol. 

Where am I at today? Still not exercising. Mind you, I keep a house, two children going and a gazillion other things, but I’m not DIGGING DEEP. :) (Get it? T25? No? Yes? Cool). Just three weeks ago I was told to start adding in a daily 20 minute walk. That’s it. I now get to start to build up some endurance, but I am no where near being athletic or googling CrossFit. Someday maybe, but for now I will relish that walk on the days I feel up to it. I may have let my inner athlete get dusty, but it’ll come back someday, just not today, and that’s okay.

OUT

PS I had Lasik done yesterday after scheduling an apt 6 years ago. I think that’s worth noting and yes, I talked to my hashi doc and he was cool with it. Annnnd I have my faux mom here to take care of me and make me veggies for a few days. Thanks to you Angela, we love you.

Those goggles, so awesome.

Side story, from a reader:

LINDSAY!  I read labels now like crazy and it's as if everything has chemicals in it and food coloring poison and alien space dust and the world is ending and my husband thinks I'm paranoid and AHHHHHHHHH. 
(Okay, slight exaggeration, but you know this scenario).

Yep, sorry. Avoid nitrates and anything over 2 grams of sugar per serving. Ya know, if you can. It ain't easy or for the faint of heart. MODERATION. We can't do it all, or we lose the point of living, which is NOT reading labels and passing out in the grocery store.
What a pep talk eh?

I LOATHE Vegetables

Side Story! Why LindsayNieHashi? My dad served an LDS Mission in Japan and therefore taught us bits and pieces of the language growing up. The name of my blog sounds as if you are counting to four (ichi ni san shi) in that beautiful language. He made us eat Raman with chopsticks, just FYI. I love and miss that Dad of mine. Here's to you Dad!

I loathe vegetables. 

Eating them has always been a chore (still is). Growing up, they made me sick, no really. In fact, I felt downright nauseous often and would get headaches from it. No wonder I didn’t like them, hello! Veggie headaches! Weird!

When my current doctor told me to eat vegetables at all three main meals, I had a panic attack of sorts. ‘Ok, I eat pretty good,’ I tell myself (and I did-ish)...but wait, this means that I will wake up and eat vegetables for breakfast! BREAKFAST! The meal that is just pretty much dessert (nutritionally speaking)! That glorious time of day where syrup and pancakes rule all! Have you ever been to an international buffet for breakfast? I have! What on earth are the Japanese eating? Fish and vegetables!? How is this possible? Don’t get me wrong--total respect--but boy oh boy, I proudly skipped right over it to my very American fare and loaded up on french toast, pastries, bacon, (YUM-and I still eat bacon) tons of fruit, and cheese-covered eggs if they could fit on the plate....and then back again to try out anything else I couldn’t fit on my first plate. LOVED EVERY SECOND.

Long story short, when I ate bread and cheese and sugar, I felt satiated and good. I wanted more. It’s almost as if my brain would wake up during and after I ate and I felt great. MMMmmmm. Then a crash would come, which was normal, it just meant that I needed to eat again right? Right!? Sugar addiction? Yep.

STORYTIME! I noticed a FB post the other day of a gorgeously awesome friend of mine who wrote this: "When I eat crap, like Betos or taco stands or unsure leftovers, I feel fine. It's when I eat healthy crap like squash & salads that I feel sick, nauseous & get close to puking. Pretty sure that's the way God intended me to be…” 

(Hope you don’t mind the shout-out Lady E!)

I totally understand!!!!!! So much so, that when my mom was going through chemo treatments we ended up at a nature-paths office to see if we could find her some relief for her digestive issues and I straight-up asked the nice man why I feel sick when I eat ‘healthy’. 

"Veggies hurt when I eat them, I never feel full and I get this weird ‘empty headache’ (I had no idea how to describe it!)." HELP ME! The answer, thankfully, was what I needed to hear, “You probably just don’t digest them easily in a raw state.”

 "Oh! That’s it?" 

“Yep, either cook them (not overly so you don’t cook the nutrients out) or at least eat them with something that will help break down the fibers for you, like vinegar. Oh, and chew them up better.” Okay so cooking, vinegar and chewing---I can do that, I thought. Low and behold, it worked. I always tolerated cooked vegetables, but adding vinegars* to salads seemed to help too. As for chewing more? Well, I can see where giving your stomach a bit more help before the food gets there helps to break it down.

So, the moral of todays story is....we need to eat veggies often and constantly- the nutrition, the roughage (fiber) etc. Especially you, you autoimmuners.** Ok especially everyone really. Google it. FIND A WAY. Eat them at every meal, at least a serving to start and then try to eat at least two kinds or twice as much! All that $$ you were spending on fast food can now be used for veggies! LOL? Too soon?. :)

 I still don’t digest veggies raw without feeling a bit terrible, but, I have gone to great lengths to find ways to eat them cooked and actually enjoy them! For me, I need a bit of fat and spice and salt with it, Mmmmm. 

Soooo if you are my sister who is part-rabbit and can go out to a garden and chow down on earth’s bounty-good for you! I am envious of you in the best way possible. 

But as for me and my house, we will cook and dress our veggies. 

OUT

*Aged vinegars can and will have some yeasty properties to it and I am currently not eating yeast sooooo, needless to say, I just cook most of my vegetables and add yummy spices. :)

**My doc and I have been working on improving my digestion-and I am happy to say that they are good at what they do. I'm a work in progress.

Breakfast! Turkey sausage (one of my less-than five pre-made foods, which I will write about later), zucchini noodles (microsteamed for 3 minutes at 50% power), olives, toasted pecans and those dang awesome coconut aminos.

Response & Creed(ish)

*Follow-Up*

Dang!! Thank you so much for your support and reaching out. I got so many responses and PM’s about all of your personal struggles and my hat’s off to you. For real. If we all knew what heartaches, both public and private, that everyone struggles with- it would change us. The great thing is, y’all keep on keeping on. Whoop whoop! Plus a world where butterflies and rainbows abounded with unicorns and flowers and chocolate all the time would, in my humble opinion, be lame. Bring on the rough seas! TEACH ME MY STRENGTH! BOO YAH!

Now for my creed:

You eat more than three times a day. If you believe what you eat affects you, you’d be right. 

The end.

Okay, so now that that’s clear I apparently have a few things I live by when it comes to my (food) life:

1. Moderation in all things.
2. The Word of Wisdom is the best base for a healthier life (PS that link is to an article written in 1977, how oldschoolawesome is that).
3. I am not one thing or another, I am not Paleo or anti-grain or totally anti-inflammatory etc., but I love so many of the recipes used in each that I will reference them, and others. I currently do not eat gluten, I have a wheat allergy. Things change too. Flexibility is key.
4. If you are not drinking water, you are doing yourself the biggest disservice of them all. Aim for half your body weight in OZ. I mean it. The bathroom will become a place of refuge and annoyance, but it will clear up things you didn’t even realize. When you reach for Not-Water, Stop, just stop it. Vitamin water...not worth it. Today and now, get used to the flavor of plain freee water. If you need to filter it-great. W-a-t-e-r. That’s today preachystatement. Nothing else you do will make as big a change as this. NOTHING. NOTHING!!!!!! Sorry, you get it. Okay. Moving on. SOMEONE JUST SIPPED DIET COKE! I JUST KNOW IT! Okay, now I am done.

Roll your eyes all you want, but just ONE change today is one change today. When--not if---you backtrack (notice I did't say fail!)--just keep on.

And last, but not least; you know me, whether you really do or just read this. This is how I talk in real life and I cannot for the life of me care about grammar or spelling right now, even though I will regret it later and judge myself on it. And who doesn’t LOVE a run-on sentence that you have to read twice! C'est la vie!

PS My fourth grade teacher told my mom that spell check was invented for children like me. Ov makes way more sense than Of. I mean really.

OUT

Thank Sam for this one. This is an exaggeration and should not be attempted at home, in your husband's sweatshirt, on your floor in your 'house-shoes' that you wear in order to not step on toys or crumbs because you have not picked up or swept up such things yet today, but hey, lip glossed! YES!

Hashimoto

*Diagnosed*

So it's been a rough couple of years in my little family, yours too probably and that's life. I can tell you one of my stories, if I share with you every personal detail of my life it wouldn't accomplish anything for anyone. I count my blessings daily, my husband and I have two children and we are so happy and chaotic and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am a stay at home mom by choice, which is a choice I can make because of my husband's ability to provide for our family at this time. I feel that this is where I should be, where you should be is hopefully your choice, either way, go you, you rock.

To summarize, I had been emotionally in charge of my mother from the day my father died in 2005. After my mother was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor in 2010 I was then physically in charge of her. I had been married two years and was six weeks along with our first baby. My husband was in a dental residency and applying for an endodontic residency and we lived in NorCal. Mom was in Spokane. I then lived in Spokane and my husband in CA. She and I and countless others fought her cancer for nearly two years till she succumbed to the horrific disease in April 2012, two years ago this month. During that time France and I had a baby, finished a residency and knew flight attendants by name as we traveled back and forth to just hold hands and watch an episode or two of the West Wing while we laughed and cried and cried and cried. My mom was a warrior and I wouldn't have changed anything about our war together, other than the obvious, I wish she was still here. You see, my parents have both passed away and I am still dealing with the awful grief that comes with it and the overseeing of the closing of an estate, which- shocker, is still happening. My husband's parents too have passed away. We are a strange anomaly in this country. We are no one's priority. 

We find the joy in our everyday and lean on many people to help- both physically and emotional. Friends and family alike. Friends that have quite literally become family.

In all this time I may have let myself get swept under the rug a bit and that's okay. I didn't sleep or take care of myself and when someone asked how I was, 'fine and great!' were my answers. And that's okay!

But, then I really wasn't okay. I wasn't recovering from my pregnancy well. I was a bit too tired all the time and then we were lucky to get pregnant again! Yes! Still, I was too tired, but isn't everybody? France had been accepted into an endodontic residency and I couldn't bear the thought of being home without him all the time with two children. How selfish of me! We had decided together after a lot of prayer and pros&cons to not accept the residency (I was willing!!!). This opened us up to move anywhere and in the same vein causing major stress again, where are we going!? My hands hurt constantly. Picking up my first child became a little too hard, changing his diaper would terrify me because of the pain involved. Headaches? Check. Sleepless nights? Check. Nightmares from cancer? Check. And so many other little things I passed off as 'nursing hormones' craziness or then 'pregnancy related' craziness.

Our little B was born. Now we had two boys, 22 months a part and I was euphoric! I had my arms full and I would now get to breathe and recover (eventually, I mean, newborn eh?). 

I didn't. When Bennett was six months old I was crying constantly at how lacking I was in my ability to be a mother. I couldn't keep a house together. I couldn't make dinner. I couldn't keep up on anything and I needed to lay down all the time. Sam, my first would ask me to get up and play tag. I couldn't and it broke my heart. On more than one occasion my husband would come home to a state of such chaos that I, frankly, was ashamed, and feeling very pathetic. Sure I can put mascara and a good face on if I needed too! How many times have you wiped the tears and just shown up because you had too? ALL THE TIME.

So my beloved came home one particularly hard day (which bytheway he never once said a thing about dinner not being made or the house not being clean, bless his soul) and looked at me and held me and told me to just let it out. We came to an agreement, I needed help. I thought it was cancer or MS, I was terrified. I do depression checks on myself all the time, it is a very real struggle, but surprisingly I was still okay there and those that fight it, WAY TO GO. But despite all of this, I was still happy, but scared, just a ridiculous mess of a human being. My kids were fed and happy, but I was sick. Okay, let's go see a doctor, I said.

*At 19 I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and placed on levothyroxine, very typical. Very common, you know someone with it whether you 'know it' or not. No problem, here you go, take a pill at 5 am for the rest of your life.

Well, at 28 I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's autoimmune disease. At some point through all the emotional and physical stress-my body broke. It gave up. My body was attacking my thyroid when it worked. So the thyroid gland would shut down and so would I. It would try to start up again and then get kicked again. Sound familiar to anyone? I bet. Anyhoo. I was given a higher dosage of the SAME pill and told we were going to simply overdose me to shut my thyroid down so my body would stop attacking itself. I stopped sleeping entirely, my brain was so buzzed I couldn't shut it off. My symptoms never went away. I waited the allotted three months to make sure it was working and it most certainly was not.

So I sought a different kind of help, one that once I had been educated about I couldn't stop counting down the seconds till I could begin my very own autoimmune protocol. (Which, BTW, my primary care physician who is awesome, fully supports). Yep. My blood chemistry, salivary info and even 'other' testing :) were now going to become my future. Among the diagnoses were anemia, hypoglycemia, adrenal fatigue, profusion, low blood pressure and immune disfunction (and more). YIKES! All interrelated. Once something breaks, everything else kinda shuts down too. You don't have to believe me, I have science to back me up. :)

When my new doc asked me how serious I was about getting better on a scale of 1-10 I think I said 14. You cannot cure an autoimmune disease, but you can manage it and hopefully prevent more, which is a very likely event. Once you have one, your chances of another go up. 

I take it very seriously, so no, I have not faltered, my choice. It's getting easier, but I have ups and downs like you wouldn't believe. I CANNOT, by choice, quit. I have improved - because of my docs, my husband and the choices I make everyday. Right now I am at my computer, typing again, my hands hurt less. My dishwasher is running. We've had breakfast and said our morning prayers. I've vacuumed and cleaned and naps have been taken. I am contemplating taking my kids to the park soon-and that makes me want to cry in the happiest of ways. I can play with my kids now, which if you look at my medical information sheet happened to be my number one goal.

So I eat different and I talk about it. One of the points of the protocol is to take out foods that trigger your immune system to perk up and draw it's sword, which in someone with an autoimmune disease means that I go from a perked up immune system to a full on internal war immediately and it knocks me out. Lots of days are still hard and I need to adjust here and there, both with my protocol and my attitude. BUT this is my battle and my story and I am okay and WE are happy. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you gotta enjoy the...tunnel? Right? :)

Really, I AM someone's priority, my Heavenly Father and my Savior's, and They are watching over me and help me constantly remember why I am living my life-to be happy, to endure, to know joy from sorrow and to be with my family for eternity. I am a Mormon and I know the truth, I don't question it, I have sought my answers and received them and been to the edge of Heaven and Hell and back and retain that testimony that I rely on- that I NEED to be true.

You see my battle is my own, and it is just ONE of MANY, like you. My husband chooses to fight with me, and I with him, everyday. Is this the hardest thing I have ever gone through? Nope, but it's sure rough. So I am going to write about it, for me. If you read it and get some good info from it, awesome.

We find the happy, so that's why I try and share it a bit. Choosing to be healthier allows each of us to serve those around us better. We cannot choose the consequences of our actions, we can only change the choices we make right?! :)

Mike dropped, Lindsay OUT.

PS If you have watched my kids, wiped my tears, eye-rolled while listening to me or any of the above, I love you dearly and thank you, again.

PPS If you are going through anything like this, I can point you in the right direction, I'm no doctor, but I am well-informed and can point one out to you. :)