Thursday, April 17, 2014

Hashimoto

*Diagnosed*

So it's been a rough couple of years in my little family, yours too probably and that's life. I can tell you one of my stories, if I share with you every personal detail of my life it wouldn't accomplish anything for anyone. I count my blessings daily, my husband and I have two children and we are so happy and chaotic and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am a stay at home mom by choice, which is a choice I can make because of my husband's ability to provide for our family at this time. I feel that this is where I should be, where you should be is hopefully your choice, either way, go you, you rock.

To summarize, I had been emotionally in charge of my mother from the day my father died in 2005. After my mother was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor in 2010 I was then physically in charge of her. I had been married two years and was six weeks along with our first baby. My husband was in a dental residency and applying for an endodontic residency and we lived in NorCal. Mom was in Spokane. I then lived in Spokane and my husband in CA. She and I and countless others fought her cancer for nearly two years till she succumbed to the horrific disease in April 2012, two years ago this month. During that time France and I had a baby, finished a residency and knew flight attendants by name as we traveled back and forth to just hold hands and watch an episode or two of the West Wing while we laughed and cried and cried and cried. My mom was a warrior and I wouldn't have changed anything about our war together, other than the obvious, I wish she was still here. You see, my parents have both passed away and I am still dealing with the awful grief that comes with it and the overseeing of the closing of an estate, which- shocker, is still happening. My husband's parents too have passed away. We are a strange anomaly in this country. We are no one's priority. 

We find the joy in our everyday and lean on many people to help- both physically and emotional. Friends and family alike. Friends that have quite literally become family.

In all this time I may have let myself get swept under the rug a bit and that's okay. I didn't sleep or take care of myself and when someone asked how I was, 'fine and great!' were my answers. And that's okay!

But, then I really wasn't okay. I wasn't recovering from my pregnancy well. I was a bit too tired all the time and then we were lucky to get pregnant again! Yes! Still, I was too tired, but isn't everybody? France had been accepted into an endodontic residency and I couldn't bear the thought of being home without him all the time with two children. How selfish of me! We had decided together after a lot of prayer and pros&cons to not accept the residency (I was willing!!!). This opened us up to move anywhere and in the same vein causing major stress again, where are we going!? My hands hurt constantly. Picking up my first child became a little too hard, changing his diaper would terrify me because of the pain involved. Headaches? Check. Sleepless nights? Check. Nightmares from cancer? Check. And so many other little things I passed off as 'nursing hormones' craziness or then 'pregnancy related' craziness.

Our little B was born. Now we had two boys, 22 months a part and I was euphoric! I had my arms full and I would now get to breathe and recover (eventually, I mean, newborn eh?). 

I didn't. When Bennett was six months old I was crying constantly at how lacking I was in my ability to be a mother. I couldn't keep a house together. I couldn't make dinner. I couldn't keep up on anything and I needed to lay down all the time. Sam, my first would ask me to get up and play tag. I couldn't and it broke my heart. On more than one occasion my husband would come home to a state of such chaos that I, frankly, was ashamed, and feeling very pathetic. Sure I can put mascara and a good face on if I needed too! How many times have you wiped the tears and just shown up because you had too? ALL THE TIME.

So my beloved came home one particularly hard day (which bytheway he never once said a thing about dinner not being made or the house not being clean, bless his soul) and looked at me and held me and told me to just let it out. We came to an agreement, I needed help. I thought it was cancer or MS, I was terrified. I do depression checks on myself all the time, it is a very real struggle, but surprisingly I was still okay there and those that fight it, WAY TO GO. But despite all of this, I was still happy, but scared, just a ridiculous mess of a human being. My kids were fed and happy, but I was sick. Okay, let's go see a doctor, I said.

*At 19 I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and placed on levothyroxine, very typical. Very common, you know someone with it whether you 'know it' or not. No problem, here you go, take a pill at 5 am for the rest of your life.

Well, at 28 I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's autoimmune disease. At some point through all the emotional and physical stress-my body broke. It gave up. My body was attacking my thyroid when it worked. So the thyroid gland would shut down and so would I. It would try to start up again and then get kicked again. Sound familiar to anyone? I bet. Anyhoo. I was given a higher dosage of the SAME pill and told we were going to simply overdose me to shut my thyroid down so my body would stop attacking itself. I stopped sleeping entirely, my brain was so buzzed I couldn't shut it off. My symptoms never went away. I waited the allotted three months to make sure it was working and it most certainly was not.

So I sought a different kind of help, one that once I had been educated about I couldn't stop counting down the seconds till I could begin my very own autoimmune protocol. (Which, BTW, my primary care physician who is awesome, fully supports). Yep. My blood chemistry, salivary info and even 'other' testing :) were now going to become my future. Among the diagnoses were anemia, hypoglycemia, adrenal fatigue, profusion, low blood pressure and immune disfunction (and more). YIKES! All interrelated. Once something breaks, everything else kinda shuts down too. You don't have to believe me, I have science to back me up. :)

When my new doc asked me how serious I was about getting better on a scale of 1-10 I think I said 14. You cannot cure an autoimmune disease, but you can manage it and hopefully prevent more, which is a very likely event. Once you have one, your chances of another go up. 

I take it very seriously, so no, I have not faltered, my choice. It's getting easier, but I have ups and downs like you wouldn't believe. I CANNOT, by choice, quit. I have improved - because of my docs, my husband and the choices I make everyday. Right now I am at my computer, typing again, my hands hurt less. My dishwasher is running. We've had breakfast and said our morning prayers. I've vacuumed and cleaned and naps have been taken. I am contemplating taking my kids to the park soon-and that makes me want to cry in the happiest of ways. I can play with my kids now, which if you look at my medical information sheet happened to be my number one goal.

So I eat different and I talk about it. One of the points of the protocol is to take out foods that trigger your immune system to perk up and draw it's sword, which in someone with an autoimmune disease means that I go from a perked up immune system to a full on internal war immediately and it knocks me out. Lots of days are still hard and I need to adjust here and there, both with my protocol and my attitude. BUT this is my battle and my story and I am okay and WE are happy. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you gotta enjoy the...tunnel? Right? :)

Really, I AM someone's priority, my Heavenly Father and my Savior's, and They are watching over me and help me constantly remember why I am living my life-to be happy, to endure, to know joy from sorrow and to be with my family for eternity. I am a Mormon and I know the truth, I don't question it, I have sought my answers and received them and been to the edge of Heaven and Hell and back and retain that testimony that I rely on- that I NEED to be true.

You see my battle is my own, and it is just ONE of MANY, like you. My husband chooses to fight with me, and I with him, everyday. Is this the hardest thing I have ever gone through? Nope, but it's sure rough. So I am going to write about it, for me. If you read it and get some good info from it, awesome.

We find the happy, so that's why I try and share it a bit. Choosing to be healthier allows each of us to serve those around us better. We cannot choose the consequences of our actions, we can only change the choices we make right?! :)

Mike dropped, Lindsay OUT.

PS If you have watched my kids, wiped my tears, eye-rolled while listening to me or any of the above, I love you dearly and thank you, again.

PPS If you are going through anything like this, I can point you in the right direction, I'm no doctor, but I am well-informed and can point one out to you. :)

31 comments:

  1. Oh, my heavens! Of course I had no idea you were dealing with serious health issues, but holy smokes - are you ever! You were so inspiring to me as you were helping your mother in her fight, and all the time you had your own personal battle going on (and since then) besides! You are crazy strong, my dear. And your children - no matter how many hard days you still have when you can't fully function - are SO blessed to have you. Just wanna give you a hug right now!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rachel, Thank you for reaching out and saying that. I don't know why I keep feeling the need to spread this kind of info, but most of it is just because I have such a strong testimony that I can't keep to myself. Life is HARD, but whatevs. Ha. Really, though, that was such a nice note. I hope you and your beautiful family are having fun while hanging on for dear life too right!? :)

      Delete
  2. Hey Lindsay! I stubbled upon your blog and wanted to thank you for being open. My little sister just got diagnosed with Hashimoto's and is struggling a bit. I showed her this blog, so thank you! Your family is absolutely beautiful by the way! Are you still in Idaho? We are moving to Twin Falls this July!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Eden! That's really nice of you to reach out for your sister too! I will be in touch with her! We are in Idaho for another monthish and then onto the next adventure down in Utah! TWIN FALLS! COOOL!

      Delete
  3. Lindsay, oh how I love you and your sweet family. I may not call as often as I should, but I think and pray about you daily. You need to be way higher up on my priority list because seriously, what would I do without a friend like you? By the way, just to cheer you on and support you, I may be trying coconut aminos soon. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just stop it already. Haha. I love you way too much, more than my coconut aminos.

      Delete
  4. You are a beautiful writer!!! This message was so inspirational and just what I needed today! Honestly more then you'll ever know. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! Thank you! YOU are awesome and I know that for a fact! I know the spirit you take with you everywhere. I have always admired you Sarah. We love you.

      Delete
  5. Lindsay, what can I say other than you are simply amazing and I totally adore you!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was directed to you by my sister Eden and am so grateful she did. I was diagnosed with hashis a couple months ago, a few days before my wedding. It's a crazy monster! I've gone off gluten and dairy but still need to see a doctor and get some tests. If you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them! Thanks again for the post! Layne.schwabedissen@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Keep hanging in there Lindsay. You are not alone in this. Friends, family, France, and your Father in Heaven are all supporting you. You're a tough chic. You got this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok dude, that's super nice of you. You know how hard life is. Thanks for your note. I do have France, which is life a life bonus. Haha! You guys are tough cookies too and we respect and admire your family.

      Delete
  9. Keep kickin' it girl. I do believe happiness is a choice and the truth and maybe, just maybe it could even be a room without a roof ;) Good bless you. We'll add you to our prayers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! Thanks so much! Your email is unknown, so whomever you are, that's so great of you!!!!!

      Delete
  10. Thanks for posting on Facebook to lead me here. Keep up the writing. You are amazing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Allison. That's really kind of you to say. You are one of the most genuine people I know. :)

      Delete
  11. Oh Linds. You are amazing and are still one of my idols for everything you have endured. You really are an incredibly strong person and I admire you for that. Keep fighting the good fight. Come talk to me anyday about anything - I can be the listening ear, and I'll try to not even roll my eyes ;) Ha! LOVE YOU!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woah, warn me before you make me feel so cool. Sam's all, Mom! Ego check! Hahaha. I admire YOU and your twinsations. And that really cool husband of yours that France thinks he is best friends with. Pretty much cuz they are. Love you musketeer and you may roll your eyes anytime you want, you've earned it.

      Delete
    2. Hahahaha good thing France and Russ will be closer in proximity. Their frienship-ness is going to become even more legit. Too bad you can't have musketeers anymore. I'll eat one for you. :) (even though you didn't even really like them...)

      Delete
    3. Whatever! I love musketeers. Mmmm. But a Twix will kick it's but anyday. Bring it.

      Delete
  12. Lindsay you have always been such an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your story. I too struggled with hypothyroidism, definitely not Hashimotos. I had postpartum hypothyroidism. Went from hyper to hypo. The doctor said my levels were so high that he was surprised I wasn't dropping dead. Lol. But I know the feeling of not being able to play with a child, make dinner, clean up because of pure exhaustion. All I wanted to do was sleep and definitely would do anything to get my old self back. I am glad you have things somewhat under control and have more energy. Keep fighting! I love reading your story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it crazy what pregnancy does to a body? Okay that was a gross understatment-but you know what I'm saying. Thanks for saying something, it is an everyday battle! Way to go Julie. We get to be perfect someday right?! Yep. Haha.

      Delete
  13. Lindsay,
    Your blog post popped up on my Facebook feed because one of my friends liked it. I saw hashimoto and knew I had to check it out. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism after I had my second child and later found out it was hashimotos. I've also had hypoglycemia since I was a little kid and whenever I eat too much sugar and not enough protein I feel like I have morning sickness again. My Dr isn't very helpful and just says I'm lucky sugar make me sick. I would love any advice you have to give. Right now I'm taking levothyroxin and my blog levels are in the ok range, but I still don't feel like I did before I was diagnosed. If you have some time, my email is aubsbard at gmail. Plus so you know I'm not some random creepy person I knew Platte, France, Landry, and Blaine in college and I was roommates with Becca who married Kyle. :) Thanks for your honest words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will sooooo be getting in touch with you, it's like we're twins! :) Thanks for tuning in!!!

      Delete
  14. My sister stumbled along your blog and sent me over to it for a read. Glad I did. It looks like I am learning more from other's in the same situation than my doctors. So thank you, thank you for sharing your story. I, as well, have hashimotos and my numbers (I feel like I am still going back and forth with the dosage) have lately been in the "normal" range but still I struggle and mostly feel like doo-doo. So with your diet - did you cut out certain things completely to help - like sugar?
    Thank you for sharing. I am really sorry for the loss of your parents and the grief you continue to go thru. May you have peace that you will be reunited with them again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is really so kind of you to say! Thanks for taking the time! I am so sorry you have to go through this too! As far as my food goes, I did for the first 3 months cut out added sugars completely (save one minor detail I'll write about soon.) Fruit is another story and I def. ate and eat tons of it! As for the doo-doo, I hear you. If you ever want to get in touch with the people I work with I'd be happy to share that with you. Good luck!

      Delete
    2. May I ask the name of the clinic you go to?

      Delete
    3. Yes! It's Red River Health & Wellness, they have four locations. I work with the Utah South Jordan Clinic. They will work with you any where in the world. Thank goodness. :) Good luck! http://redriverhealthandwellness.com/

      Delete
  15. I had no idea and that makes me sad. You are a warrior and I am so impressed with your attitude and drive to find a solution that works for you. I tried every infertility "cure" I could find, and I really don't regret any of it. Let me know how I can help you sister. You've taught me a lot about faith. Keep it up.

    ReplyDelete